The great thing about ceviche is that it’s cheap (especially if you catch your own fish), easy to make, and people seem to think it’s kind of fancy, since restaurants tend to charge an arm and a leg for a tiny little scoop.
It’s a go-to in my house whenever I have leftover fish that’s three or four days old. Still good, especially when compared to whatever garbage they sell at the store, but not as still-twitching- fresh as I’ve come to expect.
1-2 lbs Fish – You can use whatever you like, though I prefer something with firmer flesh, like swordfish or halibut. You can even use tilapia, if you’re okay with putting gutter fish inside your body. I like using leftover omilu. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bluefin_trevally)
1 cup lemon or lime juice – I use lemon, because I have a lemon tree and limes are expensive as hell in Hawaii. Some people prefer lime, but you should just buy whatever’s cheapest and lie to people. They won’t be able to tell the difference.
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 Tbsp garlic chili paste – You can substitute sriracha, but chili paste is better. It has more garlic flavor, but less vinegar. Garlic goes really well in ceviche, but fresh stuff can easily overpower the fish.
2 small, or 1 large sweet onion
2 tomatoes – Spend a little more and buy good, vine ripened tomatoes. The big bland cheap fuckers are terrible
1 cup Cilantro – This is to taste. I love cilantro, some people don’t. Those people are stupid.
Take your fish directly from the fridge, while it’s still firm and easy to work with, and chop it into small pieces. Roughly 1/4”-1/2”. The fish will be marinating in whatever citrus juice you’re using, the acid cooking the flesh, so you don’t want any big chucks, lest they remain raw in the center. If you’re using fish that tastes good raw, what are you thinking? Stop what you’re doing and dunk that shit in some shoyu and wasabi.
Plop your chopped up fish in a large bowl, pour the citrus juice over the fish, stir it up nice and good. Then cover it and stick it in the fridge for a while. 3-4 hours should do it. Remember to give it a stir every once in a while so the fish marinates evenly. When your fish is cooked through (eat some to make sure), firmly wring out the excess juice (hope you don’t have any cuts on your hands!) Transfer the wrung out fish to a new bowl, dump the excess liquid down the drain. There may be a use for fishy lemon juice, but I haven’t found it.
Your fish should now be firm, white, and not at all watery. Just like me.
Add your chili paste, salt, pepper, stir well and set aside.
Pico de Gallo!
Roughly dice the tomatoes, onion, cilantro and jalapenos (with seeds), then mix them all together and chop it up again. This will make sure everything is well mixed. Cilantro has a tendency to clump up, the second dicing will make sure all the produce is evenly distributed.
Alternatively, you can just dump everything in a food processor, but I don’t own one.
Now mix together your pico de gallo and fish. I always end up with a different amount of pico, but you want a 3:2 veggie to fish ratio. Use any leftover pico de gallo to make guacamole, that’s what I do.
And that’s it, you’ve now got a giant bowl of ceviche. Gift it to friends, bring it to a dinner party, use it to impress a member of the opposite sex. Whichever, be sure to serve with tortilla chips, and don’t expect any leftovers.